LETTER TO MY 25 YR OLD SELF
Hey Girl,
It’s me, which is you, well anyway. . . .I’m here to help.
Not what you planned, huh? Things are rough right now, I know. It doesn’t feel like it but trust me, you will make it through all of this. And the woman you become will be well worth the fight.
First, our baby girl, Kendall. She’s going to be tall with big, beautiful eyes, a big heart and a stubborn will to match. It’s going to take all you got to steer her right but she’s going to make us proud. Incredibly proud.
And oh, that one you think is the one, is indeed not the one. You don’t know enough yet to really understand all that’s wrong with that relationship. One day you’re going to understand enough to pack your shit and go. It will be a good day.
You’re going to lose some of your best friends for a season. I know this isn’t the type of letter from the future you’d expect or want. But hey, you’ve got some rough years coming up and I want to prepare you. The biggest lesson here is that you must learn to respect people’s life choices that are or would be different from yours. Until now, most of relational dynamics have been built on sameness. Sameness in beliefs, sameness in lifestyles, sameness in choices. You and your friends are beginning to explore your individualism so it will cause some divides but it will all work out in the end.
That salary you keep professing to hit by age 30 won’t happen by then but you will get there by age 40 (I owed you some more good news). Well if you consider waiting a decade to reach a goal, good news. I don’t know, you decide.
You will eventually find your forever love. He’s going to be chocolate (just like we like ‘em) with a heart of gold. He’s a Leo so he will require much patience but he’s worth it. You two will have a little boy, crazy right?! I’m not going to even tell you how old you are when that happens. Just know you have a long time before baby #2. He’s so fun and adorable; the perfect addition to your little family.
Now for the stuff you really need to hear. Because this, more than anything, is what’s holding you back.
You’ve got it luv. Everything you’re questioning and wondering about yourself; you’ve got it. You’ve got it all. It’s just buried beneath a bunch of junk. All the stuff they feed you, didn’t feed you, and what you chose to eat.
All you can see is the junk, so you think that’s all that’s there. But there’s so much more. Once you start clearing out the junk, you’ll begin to see.
That big, beautiful heart of yours needs some boundaries. You can’t be everything to everybody. Give people the space and time they need to become themselves. They don’t need you to save them. But you do need to start saving you.
You have been a refuge, a home, and a place of peace for so many. You need what you so freely give to others. It’s time for you to give your own offerings to yourself. You should be the first warmed and illuminated by your own light.
So much of your identity is about who you are to other people. Are you a good mother? How can you be a better daughter? Are you the best type of friend you can be? What really needs attention is your relationship with self. The peace you’re looking for starts with you. Your healing starts with you. It all starts with you.
I know how you love a good mystery so I’m going to end this letter here. You should be just the right amount of curious to start asking some bigger questions of yourself.
But first, a few closing thoughts (you knew that wasn’t the end).
Your direction won’t always feel clear. But know that you were guided to this place and will be guided to the next. Trust + surrender to His timing, direction, and speed. He will always get you there, in the fullness of time.
You’ve got this. Everything you need to create the life you want is already inside of you. Look within.
It will all add up to something more than this. It’s hard to see beyond where you are right now. Trust, your story gets more and more beautiful. Just keep going.
With love and care,
the 2020 you + me
I turned 40 on November 20th and birthdays are all about reflection for me. I wanted to do this exercise as a way of saluting all the past versions of myself that got me here. Looking back always has a way of helping me move forward with more grace + gratitude.
How about you? What would you say to younger self? Let’s talk in the comments.